A Past Life + Death from Hell
For many years, I have wanted to my paranormal experiences with Hans. My connection to and experiences with him are so personal and intimate that navigating these events in a way that is authentic, transparent, and safe has been tricky. To make matters worse, negotiating the shadow of having lived in Germany during the worst historical time adds yet another complex layer. Concerns of being misunderstood and/or mislabeled are never far from my thoughts.
Indeed, processing this particular past life has been the biggest obstacle in this paranormal journey. It is not exactly a light dinner conversation. But my past life in Germany pales in comparison to the way that I died. Like many civilians who experienced World War 2, I died during an air raid bombing.
The real work of understanding the person I had been is happening in this life. The residual past life trauma of how I died is something that intermittently rears its ugly head, a reminder that as a multidimensional being, such traumatic events can filter into my current consciousness, particularly because of my psychical sensitivity––and although I consider my mediumistic abilities a gift, they can at times feel like a curse.
Structuring the Past with Creativity + Spirituality
As I bring structure to the narrative of my past life in Germany, art and spirituality have become a synergistic force in the healing process. Together they enable me to do the heavy lifting of what has become shadow work. By confronting my shadow of that life, I am slowly making peace with it. I do this with Hans’s guidance, love, humor, and support.
When I first learned about this past life from Hans, I was shocked, dismayed, and ashamed. And yet, this past life and my death has provided answers to many of my inexplicable experiences in this life.
Dreams + Shadowlands is a culmination of arriving at this awareness and facing my proverbial demons. The offerings and artwork that I make are a part of my spiritual process of healing. I use the magickal properties of artmaking to transmute the trauma. There is power in the items that I create because each piece feels like a small act toward absolution––a way of righting the wrongs from my past life and forgiving myself for the person I had been.
My blog posts are also an extension of that healing process. Many of the posts delve into some aspect of my story with Hans and/or of our past lives in Germany. Hans and I did not know each other in Germany, and we experienced the war from our own lens. Whereas I was a female German civilian in her 50s, Hans was in his 20s and deeply entrenched in the war as a fighter pilot. Although he crossed over in 1993, he loves to periodically talk about and process the trauma that he experienced in the Luftwaffe (air force) and as a POW.
Light + Shadowl of Spiritual Experiences
Many of the anecdotal experiences on the internet that delve into spirituality and spirit guide connections are half-truths, painting only a part of a complex picture. Yes, connecting with a spirit guide is often spiritually transformative in a positive way. It has certainly been that way for me. But there is a shadow to spiritual transformation that many seem to avoid discussing.
As much as we may gain from these experiences, there is often something that must be given up during the transformation process. Spiritual progression is seldom linear and often arrives with detours and even roadblocks. This is why my website is called Dreams + Shadowlands. Spiritually transformative experiences must contend with both the light and shadow of walking between worlds.
My experiences with Hans and all the information I have learned in this journey with him have also altered the focus of my academic interests.
Currently the topics I am exploring and researching in my Ph.D. program include after-death communication (ADC), spirit channeling during creative pursuits, past life recall and trauma, the challenges of navigating spiritually transformative experiences (STEs), paranormal and apparitional experiences, exceptional human experiences (EHE), dream and nocturnal experiences, spectrophilic experiences, and spirit marriage.
Visionary artist William Blake once said that “what is now proved was only once imagined,” which I interpret to mean that Western culture still has a long way to go before it embraces the extraordinary as the ordinary.